Set Up and Stood Up

Yesterday afternoon, the phone rang. It was a manager from another division. I was expecting her to ask me do something for Mr. Boss, when:

Manager: Kudanil, lagi sibuk ngga?
Me: Ngga terlalu Mbak, ada apa? (preparing for the tasks ahead)
Manager: Bagus de, kalo ngga sibuk. Aku mau tanya-tanya boleh kan?
Me: Boleh Mbak.
Manager: Kamu udah punya pacar belum?
Me: (Whaaaa???)
Me: Emm…belum Mbak

Then she went through more questions in less than 3 minutes:
Lahir tahun berapa?
Tanggal berapa?
Asalnya dari daerah mana?
Kotanya apa?
Agama?
Tinggal dimana?
Sama orang tua?
Kamu anak keberapa?
Punya adik atau kakak?
Tipe cowo kamu yang kaya gimana si?
Kalo kamu orangnya pendiam ato rame?

and so on....


Me: Mbak bikin check list ya?
Manager: Hihihi, kok kamu tau?

This manager, never one for small talks before, was able to dig in deep into bits of my life in a businesslike manner. I felt like I was interviewing for a husband. When asked what for, she only said ‘for a secret admirer’. So secret, it seems, that she didn’t let me know anything about him.

I’ve answered. These questions before. In many ways they were asked. Through the crackles of a phone, busy fingers typing away hints and clues of self description in Yahoo Messenger, each letter representing hope that someone in this universe will somehow finally understand you, through the too-curious-of-a-way his friend asks specific details about your hobbies or what kind of flowers you like; emails exchanged during work, the limitations of a text message that force you to explain yourself in 160 character or less for a mere price of 350 perak, whispers of last minute personal information before a movie starts, quiet conversations during dinner. And if you’re lucky, some answers will match and you move on to the next step. If not, take a long look at yourself, wonder what went wrong, and start again.

I’ve taken long looks at myself and still have no idea what went wrong.

And lately, it seems like, what used to be deep and meaningful way to explore someone you are interested in becomes somewhat technical equations. Please give sufficient answers to the following questions. Feelings may choose to be included, but most often not. If answers not according to what you are looking for, we’ll continue our own separate ways and wish each other a nice life. Short. But effective use of time.

After the questions were thoroughly asked and answers were carefully but truthfully given, arrangements were made. For lunch. Today. Another blind date? Why the hell not. What have I got to lose.

So come 12 o’clock and I got stood up. No news, no calls, no explanation. Not even from the manager/matchmaker. At the end I called up friends already halfway through their lunch to wait up for me.

Maybe I didn’t get my equations right.

Time to take another loooong look at myself. Uh-huh. See? I still don’t know what went wrong.

Nice.

Words of (my) Mouth

Is it me, or have Fridays become too much effort to go out? I mean, really. The traffic? Unbelievable.

El and I decided to escape to Gading for a bite to eat since none of us had anything better to do that night, and although we still got stuck in traffic, we managed to have a laugh and talked about everything.

Afterwards we went and saw Miami Snore Vice. Watching Colin Farrell did nothing for me. It sucked. Badly. The movie is, of course, about these two undercover cops that zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

Oops. Did I just fall asleep? Watching Colin Farrell? How could that be? Probably it’s between scenes when Sony Crockett was trying to romance Isabella (Gong Li), who by the way, should really learn English pronunciation first before deciding to do Hollywood movies, because every line she spoke was like:

Gong Li: yada,yada,yada…… (supposedly in English)
El and me: huh?

There were short conversations between me and El every 10 minutes during the movie that went something like this:
Gw: El, dua orang yang duduk di pojok atas masih ada ngga?
El: *ngintip* Masih Nil..
Gw: (10 menit kemudian) El, dua orang yang duduk di pojok atas masih ada ngga?
El: *ngintip* udah ngga ada Nil. Ato mungkin masih ada tapi lagi tiduran.
Gw: Hah serius loh? *ikutan ngintip, berharap dapet tontonan seru*

Maybe it’s becuz there were only six of us in the whole theater, and instead of watching the movie, we were too busy sneaking peeks looking what the other four people were doing. Much less to say, we were the last two who left the cinema. The security guy even waited until we walked out and locked the door behind us.

Next night, di kilometer 19 Starbucks, tol Cikampek: I don’t know whether it was the coffee or the cool night breeze, but it caused some serious needs for two of my guy friends to poop in public restrooms at 10PM. One bought Calvin Klein underwear at nearby factory outlet, cuz he thinks that wearing Rider undies is too tacky for a 27 year-old man. And of course he asked for an eXtra Large size to the sales girl while all he really needed was perhaps two, three, four sizes smaller (hee hee) than what he asked for (self denial, anyone?). I so much want to comment more on the underwear thing, but this particular guy with four new CK underwear in assorted color also reads this blog, so I fear for my life for what he might do to me if I comment further :)

Will thinks that by putting up my blog for public to read, guys will be scared to approach me, cuz I cuss too much in it. Hmm…

I blame thee, Will, for being the master of dirty talk, therefore I am not able to converse one full sentence without cussing.

Well…would you rather me to cuss behind your back, then? Shit…(whoops…)

*halah, listrik di kantor gw mati, kerjaan blum di save… (can I cuss now?)

Pain in My Gluteus Maximus

Kemaren lusa:

(Kuda)Nil, hari ini lo jalan kaki lagi ya?
Kok ngga dijemput?

Kemaren (masih dibahas):

Nil, keliatannya lo sering jalan kaki ya. Duh ongkos dari kantor gak cukup ya. Besok gw approve deh gaji elo naik 250%. Biar bisa bayar ojeg langsung dari kantor.

Fact: Jarak rusun dari kantor lumayan deket. If the traffic is heavy, I’d really rather walk (20 minutes), when the weather is nice, and I’m wearing comfortable shoes. Why does it seem like it’s a problem to him, while I’m perfectly content with it?

Dua minggu yang lalu:

Dia: Heh, elu ngga denger ya, gw klakson2in dari mobil kemaren?

Fact: gw lewatin mobil dia yang diparkir deket kantor, tapi dia ngga buka jendela manggil nama gw (toh gw jalan kaki ini), atau keluar mobil kek, ngobrol sebentar, dia malah pake klakson. Dan bunyinya ngga Cuma, “tin-tin..” tapi lebih ke “Tiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn…….check out my new car…tiiiinnnnn….tiiiinnnnnnnnnn…..” so, gw pura-pura ngga denger, dan gw pura-pura ngga liat, walopun abang ojeg dan tukang somay yang lagi nongkrong semua udah pada budeg dengerin klaksonnya.

Tiga minggu yang lalu:

Telp setelah SMSnya ga gw bales: Gw denger lu jago bilyar yah. Ayo maen ama gw. Gw maen pake tangan kiri de, biar rada susah dikit *gaya nyombong*

Fact: he knows I don’t play pool

Sebulan yang lalu:

Gw: Tumben lo telp
Dia: Iya nih, gw mo ngobrol ama elu. Gw punya temen nih, lo ngga perlu tau lah namanya. Umurnya thirty something kaya gw. Dia pengen dicariin cewe, umur 24 tahunan gitu. Umur lo berapa? Yah, seumuran elo deh, tapi yang cantik ya. Tapi ini bukan buat gw loh. Buat temen gw. Dia pengen liat foto kandidat2nya dulu. Apa? Lo pengen liat fotonya juga? Buat temen-temen cewe lo? Ngga perlu lah. Dia ganteng kok, kaya gw. Dan tajir banget. Dia pengen cewe cantik yang putih, yang udah siap merit. Tapi masih muda. Gw baru kenal ama temen gw ini. Dia anaknya *insert nama orang yang ga penting bagi gw*

Fact: If “ganteng kaya gw” = “receeding hairline and somewhat overweight” Then “please consult your dictionary of life again. I insist”. Nyariin cewe buat temennya? Please. Dia aja masih berharap ada cewe yang kleper-kleper ama gayanya yang berlebih itu.

Kerjaan di kala waktu senggangnya:

Dia: Mau liat foto cewe ngga?
Gw: *liat foto cewe yang ke seratus tujuh puluh dua kali dia pamerin ke gw* Lah ini cantik, kenapa ngga lo pacarin?
Dia: ngga lah, bukan tipe gw. jadi temen aja. Ini cewe pramugari di bla, bla, bla….
Dia: Mau liat foto cewe ngga? Ini istrinya temen gw. Istrinya temen gw itu bla,bla,bla…
Gw: Ngapain lu nyimpen2 foto bini orang di hp?
Dia: Iseng aja.
Dia: Liat Kijang gw ngga di parkiran?
Gw: Ngga. Dimana?
Dia: Emang udah ngga dipake. Gw udah ganti mobil dong, ngga pake itu lagi.

Um.
Kay.
Now who in here needs to get a life and stop putting their nose in everybody’s business, please raise your hand…

I’m PMS-ing. Cant you tell?

Prayer for the (soon to be) damned

Aduh.
Aduuh. Stop that.
I mean it.

Aduuuh. Sakit!

Stop it. Stopit. Stopit. Stop it. STOP it. Stttoooopppiiitt. stop IT.

Ya Tuhan…

Tolong dong…

Bilangin ama semut-semut sadis itu supaya berhenti gigitin tanganku.

Ok, aku ngaku. Aku mungkin secara ngga sengaja udah niban salah satu dari mereka waktu aku tidur. Tapi bukan berarti mereka bisa gigit tangan dan kakiku di empat belas tempat yang berbeda, dan masing2 meninggalkan tanda cinta berupa bentol besar yang merah,gatel tapi sakit kalo digaruk kan?

Apalagi kalau bentol itu lalu mengakibatkan hasrat ingin menggaruk di saat-saat tidak tepat, seperti ketika aku sedang bertemu vendor nan ganteng dan rupawan. Hei vendor, aku bukan kudisan, hanya digigit semut, tapi mana mungkin aku menjelaskan hal itu untuk justifikasi pandangan matamu yang menuduh seakan aku punya penyakit kulit yang tampak menular hingga kamu tak mau berjabat tangan. Iya toh?

Kenapa aku sama sekali tidak terbangun waktu mereka melakukan aksi tak berperikemanusiaan tapi ternyata cukup berperikesemutan itu, aku ngga ngerti. Biasanya aku tak lupa menggarisi pinggiran tempat tidurku dengan kapur HIT anti semut. Ternyata serbuk putih itu tak lagi manjur membuat mereka teler dan urung menggigitiku

Tolong Tuhan, suruh mereka berhenti. Sebelum aku berubah jadi kejam dan menyentil mereka satu-satu untuk terjun bebas dari lantai yang tinggi di rumah susunku ini, karena sekarang sekujur tubuhku jadi bau minyak tawon.


Amin.


*Jahitan gigi gw dah dilepas hari ini. Dokternya bilang proses penyembuhan pasca pencabutan lebih bagus dari perkiraannya. Yeaaa!! Wait…so that must mean, sebelumnya dia udah prediksi yang lebih buruk? *grunt* now there’s a big ol’ hole in the place that used to be my tooth. It’s pretty wide open, it’ll probably hold a kitten, a basketball, lipstick, or a slice of pizza depending on my mood until it seals up again. Stupid nurse kept poking at my gum. She hurt me more than the doctor. Almost hit her in the face.

Cough Hack Sniffle

This is not what I imagine doing for my long weekend. Yes my friend, this hippo is coming down with flu. Kentuuuut…! *sedot ingus*

So, let’s see. Here’s what I have been doing for the last 5 days with less excitement than what I anticipated:

16.08 (after office hour)
Celebrating the long weekend with coffee and too many cigarettes to count with friends.

17.08
Niatnya mu ngembaliin dvd yang rusak, tapi ternyata ITC tutup. So, I went traditional, doing what everyone else in Jakarta is doing, when they’re not off crowding other cities: I went to the mall. Yup. But, could not find a parking space. Anywhere. I kid you not. The malls were crowded and the parking even more crowded. Had to go to another mall that was on the other side of town, and after circling hopelessly in search of parking space, finally found one little spot in the corner. Got an invitation to hang out at some stranger’s bachelor pad apartment that belongs to a friend of a friend’s boyfriend’s cousin. Confused? Same here. Note the word bachelor. And what did I find? Besides setrikaan kolor di samping tv, messy bed and no food in fridge, I also found lotsa FHM magazines, playboys, and some porn, of course :) but I hung out, ate pizza, had fun.


18.08
Nuker dvd rusak, beli dvd baru, ngabisin 120rebu perak setelah dirayu rayuan maut ama Mbak2 yang jual dvd, stuck di bengkel benerin mobil, had dinner with guyfirends, met my cozin who lost 7 kg after her last asthma attack (can asthma attacks do that?), had coffee at the same place as Thursday, sat next to the same strangers I sat next to on Thursday, having coffee, there, again (we looked at each other, but tried to overlook the fact bahwa kita sama-sama ngga ada kerjaan ampe bisa stuck di coffeehouse yang sama dua kali berturut2, dalam kurun waktu 3 hari), started having fever and a burning itch in my throat but tried to ignore it. I couldn’t be sick at the beginning of weekend, right? Guyfriends and I made plans to go to Bandung for Saturday.

19.08
Boy, was I wrong. By now, I was definitely too sick to get out of town. The guys came to my house trying to get me to leave to Bandung with them. Instead I waved goodbye to the car with my boys in it, bringing them to out of city bliss, and feeling a wee bit sorry for myself. Dvd yang gw tuker ternyata masih rusak, jadi gw tukerin lagi (I was gonna make my 2 dvds that cost Rp. 12000 worth every perak, godamit! Especially if I’m gonna have to lie in bed tending to my pathetic illness), ended up meeting some friends, but felt too weak to go out, so I opted to go to their house and watched dvd, fell asleep in their room, they took one look at me, felt sorry and took me home.


20.08
Felt really shitty. Fevers and chills simultaneously. Guyfriends asked if I would like to go to the beach (my heart and soul are crying yes, but my own body betrayed me by refusing to get out of bed). Tapi waktu diajak Nyokap ama Uwa ke Melawai langsung semangat *jitak kepala sendiri*

Nyokap: Katanya masih sakit
Gw : Emmm...bosen di rumah Mah..
Nyokap: Kalo gitu kita ketemu di pintu masuk sejam lagi yah
Gw : *udah ngilang ke toko terdekat nawar tank top warna kuning*

Setelah ke Melawai, kita muter2 di Ace Hardware nyari vacuum cleaner:

Nyokap: Kalo vacuum yang ini kelebihannya apa aja Mas?
Mas Penjual Vacuum: Vacuum ini bisa macem2 Bu, selain bisa untuk bersihin debu dan kotoran, bisa juga untuk bersihin lantai yang basah *sambil demo kelebihan vacuum warna kuning yang gede dan berisik*’
Nyokap dan Mas Penjual Vacuum terlibat dalam pembicaraan yang panjang soal seonggok vacuum cleaner yang sepertinya bisa nyedot apa aja mulai dari upil ampe anak kucing yang kesasar di kolong tempat tidur.
Gw: *heran karena di rumah ngga pake karpet* emang mau beli vacuum gede buat apa Mah?
Nyokap: Buat bersihin debu di sofa
Gw: *gubraks* cari yang kecil aja kali Mah...
Nyokap: eh iya ya...lagipula kalo beli yang gede Mama repot nyimpennya dimana...
Mas Penjual Vacuum: *lemes setelah demo vacuum dan ngomong panjang lebar tapi ngga jadi dibeli*


Later, di lorong tempat peralatan rumah tangga:
Nyokap: Duuuh, ini lucu yaaaah...*megang segala bentuk peralatan rumah tangga dari kayu. The woman loves anything wood*
Nyokap: Kamu pasti belum kepikiran punya alat2 kaya gini ya...*sambil nunjuk panci, penggorengan, tempat bumbu masak...*
Gw : Emm...blum tuh Mah *buru2 kabur ke tempat perawatan mobil sebelum pembicaraan berlanjut ke other topics berbau 'rumah tangga'. Sorry, Ma* :)

21.08
I’m supposed to be recuperating from my flu, but I’m so freaking bored, even though my eyes are blurred just looking at the monitor and typing this entry, coz I still have my fucking headache, fever, hacking cough and endless ingus yang musti gw sedot karna gw terlalu males ngambil tissue to blow my nose. The day is still young, but..but..but…tomorrow I’m gonna have to go back to work, and I still haven’t started my weekend yet. T_T *nangis darah*

Prelude, The Monkey Dance

Ooooh yeah, shake it baby, uh huh….gimme some more, like that, yess…

No, it’s not a prelude to what some of you may wish as something dirty, but it is the beginning moves of my monkey dance (I’ll spare you the gory details, but from a distance, it just looks like I’m having some sort of seizure, limbs all going haywire in different directions), because long weekend is coming. That’s right.

But…I wanna take a moment to pay tribute to those who sacrificed their lives defending Ibu Pertiwi so that we are able to stand as a free (though imprisoned in so many ways) country for 61 years and counting.

One. Two. Three (seconds).

Oh man, sorry…can’t do it. I’ll stand before our national flag in front of some stranger’s house to honor our heroes (rusun doesn’t allow putting up flags), but right now, this monkey dance is calling me once again to humiliate myself in the secret corner of my cubicle…(wait, was that Mr. Boss who just walked by?)

Sweet. Have a good jolly old time, everyone…


On a totally irrelevant note:

Could this day be any worse? I haven’t done one single thing right. I didn’t get any warning or feeling that today’s one of those days where everything just goes wrong, right in front of your eyes. And you can’t do anything, except wait anxiously for the next messed up thing.

Obat kumur yang dikasih dokter gigi setelah operasi kemaren, bikin lidah gw mati rasa (that can’t be good, rite?)

Still stuck at the office for last minute work before long weekend. Aaarrrggh..!!!

This Hippo is Missing a Tooth

• wisdom tooth, that is
• after consulting with no less than five dentists, all of whom agree my half grown tooth is taking more space in my too small lower jaw, therefore needs to be taken out
• I chose a dentist with the friendliest face, although it takes me two hours to get there; I figure I need someone friendly if I’m gonna trust him enough to cut open my mouth
• Sumthing to remember: don’t forget to eat before they operate. I didn’t and I wound up trembling on the dentist’s chair ( I don’t know if I was hungry, cold, or just down right frightened)
• I’m such a wuss coz I kept my eyes shut at all time (it was that or staring at the dentist’s eyes. He’s married, though…)
• I don’t know about your dentist, but mine is still very much traditional, with big old metal things he continuously put in my mouth
• There was a lot of blood
• I could feel the dentist’s hand shaking at the mighty force of my tooth refusing to be pulled out
• After he took it out, I glimpsed at the thing that’s causing me a lot of pain; and O My God, that bugger is huge!
• The whole procedure only lasted 30 minute
• I was still shaking after it was all done
• It’s one of four wisdom teeth that will need operation. I will have to go through this three more times (yea!!!! I’m so excited)
• I’m officially poor from paying for the procedure that cost sekian juta rupiah
• After the drug wore off, yes it hurts. Painkillers is a must.
• Now, siapa yang pernah bilang sakit hati lebih baik daripada sakit gigi, ayo berantem dulu ama gw. At least sakit hati ngga ngabisin duit. Kalo elu gemuk bisa bikin kurus karena gak napsu makan = hemat. Kalo nangis melulu juga sehat sekalian bersihin belek mata. Kalo nangisnya di WC umum bayarnya cuma serebu perak. Buntut2nya kalo niat bunuh diri, modalnya tinggal milih antara baygon, racun tikus ato sarung butut. Lah kalo sakit gigi? Udah konsultasi nya mahal,ngga bisa diobatin pake odol, setelah operasi yang ngabisin duit, tetep aja tu gigi gak laku gw jual, hehehe
• Makasih Drg. Budi…(for having a sense of humor through it all)
  
  
  
  *ouch....sambil ngelus pipi yang bengkak*
  
  Buat kamuh yang udah nemenin, makasih juga yah…

Truce to Love, but Lost Anyway

He was perfect. He had called me “beautiful” earlier, and I hid myself in his arms, surrendered to the width of his chest, as he buried his face in the nape of my neck, giving small kisses that sent tingling bumps all over my body while whispering “wangi….” into my hair. He had smelled so good, I let myself held by him closer, inhaling his scent, trying to memorize this particular smell, between tickles and laughter, feeling him breathe in my ear, feeling his heart beat a little faster, feeling his warmth. I wanted to stay that way, forever. I closed my eyes. I’m finally here.

Then in came the conversations. Plans of a marriage. Him and another woman. Soon, maybe next year. With the same woman who broke his heart a while ago. He had come to me that day, feeling lost and wounded.

And just like that, I realized, he was never meant for me. Even if I tried. He was never meant for me because I could see his eyes sparkle at the thought of a future with her. His tone went a little softer in the mention of her name. He was in love, all over again. With her.

Being the man that he was, he apologized. His face showed regret. He looked hurt knowing that he hurt me. He took me to dinner, and we talked about work. Conversations flowed steadily but I hardly listened.

It was all a blur for me. Even as he hugged me goodbye. I tried to concentrate, but all I could see was blur of lights, blur of people, blur of traffic, a daze. I couldn’t think.

As soon as the blur of lights started assembling into clear images of street lamps and I began to focus, the tears start coming. So I cried. All the way home. I cried to the reflection in the mirror staring back at me in the elevator. I cried in the darkness of my room. I cried as I typed my last message thanking him for dinner. I cried. But still, the tears didn’t come fast enough.

The tears did not come fast enough when my mind was racing through my memory…searching, for this kind of pain. It felt familiar, yet all so new. I was here before, but the fall I took did not get any easier. I fell hard, crushed, damaged, stricken, again.

I let myself be vulnerable again. I let myself believe. I called truce to this funny thing named love. And I lost. Yet again.

Separation Anxiety

My sister’s finally shipped off to UK last Saturday *emangnya cargo* her first time away from all of us and she decides to go to Europe. Can't you go to Bandung first, for starters? Geez... :)

Besides forgetting to check in when she was supposed to change airlines, I think she’s gonna be ok. Now, if it were me who got a chance to go away by myself however, I would probably get lost and land somewhere in Russia, coz I’m just messed up like that.

I miss her. A lot. Separation anxiety starts to kick in.

I don’t have to get up at 5 o’clock in the morning anymore, trying to beat her to the bathroom. I don’t have to fall asleep waiting for her to get off the computer coz she’s taking too long. I would have to mock strange people by myself now, would have to admire cute boys but wouldn’t be able to giggle with her about it, wouldn’t be able to haggle her collection of fabulous books, wouldn’t find her stretched out on the sofa exhausted from school, wouldn’t hear the phone ringing constantly for people asking to talk to her. I wouldn’t. At least not for another 10 months.

Sis, if you’re reading this, be safe alrite…go do your thing, have adventures, have fun, drink in all the experience; the good, the bad and the ugly, go crazy, try to be bad once in a while, why dontcha. And for goodness sake, talk to me if you need anything, I’m serious.

Be home soon. So we can start talking about boys, clothes, hair, gossips, you know… the important stuff *grin*

Also, so I could borrow some money if I desperately need some new shoes, or I’m sure I would suddenly get infected with some serious contagious disease that will catch on to you within 24 hour period of my asking to borrow money, if not given the specifically asked sum.

Loveya…

*still whining* who’s gonna watch bad TV and cartoons with me now? Who? *hiks* but I can definitely start making out with the computer at home, since you won’t be taking all of his time anymore, thankyouverymuch *double grin*

Hate Mail

Sometimes I wonder if people read this blog, whether it’s strangers from the unknown world, friends, family or the very people I write about; you know…just to know what their take on this thing is. I would, of course anticipate some reaction coming my way at some point, since all the characters I write in this blog are real people, such as this particular one.

Tonight, I received an SMS that read:

From 081********* to Kudanilcantk on 22:55PM:

‘Sori gw SMS lu lagi, kepepet nih soalnya. Gw cuman mau bilang:

Blogspot kamu bagus. My coment is:

1.I’m not a bad guy

2.Gw minta maaf kalo copy & paste foto lu. Gw cuman kirim ke *insert one of his friend’s name here* doang kok.

3.Gw ngga yakin lu akan membalas teguran gw kalo gw tegur lu krn kita blm pernah ‘bicara’ sebelumnya.

5.*looks like he forgot number 4* Menurut gw lu emang agak blagu

6. Gw emang ga pernah pake deodorant or parfum

7. Come to you and say hi? Males ah.

8.You should not be scared to me.

9. You still feel a jerk b coz you’ve said very ‘blagu’ words.

10. Your English is so awesome.

11. Ttg malam minggu, hari lain gw capek, jadi mending tidur

12. I’m absolutely sure that I am not cracked in the head.

13. U’re not the only woman who live on this earth.

14. I am sorry for all

15. Thx

16. I hope u’re not feel like a jerk anymore after read all above

17. I’m sorry for messaging u again, this’ the last’

His defense. No omitted words, letters and/or spelling, just the naked truth. Should I counteract? Nah… I want to give him a chance for his side of the story.

Caution: People, if you want to read my blog, you gotta understand that I write about things going on in my life. It may, at times, include you, if one unfortunate day Lady Luck happens to bring us together in the same circumstances. But if you’re gonna take it too personally, then just don’t read it. Or go blast me off in your own blog on your own time. Capeesh?

As for you, thanks for your SMS anyway. I needed the reality check.

When I Get To Play The Bad Guy

Hari ini gw bilang ke ‘seseorang’ untuk:

“please jangan ganggu gw lagi. Jangan telp, sms atau email gw lagi. Lo mungkin udah tau gw tapi gw ngga perlu tau elo.”

Brutal, right?

And I immediately felt like a jerk.

Walaupun, dalam kurun waktu beberapa bulan terakhir, ‘seseorang’ itu udah sukses:

- copy dan paste foto FS gw yang udah digedein segede alaihim di email dengan komen ‘sayang udah punya pacar’ trus dikirim ke gw, cc ke dirinya sendiri dan temen-nya *maksud loh?*

- ngotot pengen ketemu assoonaspossible setelah dia add gw di FS. Waktu gw bilang rumah gw di ujung berung, dia ngotot mau ketemu gw di ujung berung, padahal kita satu kantor. What the?

- selalu nolak gw tawarin ketemu di kantor *safe zone for me, in case he’s a bit whacked, I can always hide behind the security guys* alesannya: ngga enak ama orang2 kantor. Yeah,sure…whatever.

- suka telpon2 ngga penting, awalnya gw layanin karena gw ga enak, lama2 gw eneg karena dia maksa banget ngajak kenalan waktu gw udah bilang ngga dan dia jadi nyolot. Trus dia ganti pake private number waktu gw ngga angkat2 telp-nya lagi. *awal2nya gw ketepu, but no more my friend…*

- Sering sms2 yang lebih ngga penting. Waktu sms2-nya gw cuekkin dia marah, ngatain gw sombong, sumpah serapah ngga akan hubungi gw.

- Dia menghubungi gw lagi

- Kirim email tanpa subject dan hanya nulis “Selamat Pagi”, “Selamat Sore” *at regular intervals*

- Kirim email dengan subject2 yang 'love related' *ugh, mommy needs a puke bag*

- Kalau liat gw di kantor ngga pernah mau negor, tp setelah itu langsung sms, ‘tadi lo pake baju warna ijo ya?’ ‘tadi lo yang pake bandana merah ya?’

- Suatu malem minggu dia nanya boleh ngga main ke rumah gw. *emang masih jaman ye? *

- Dia bilang terima kasih ke gw karena udah gw cuekkin

- Tapi tetap menghubungi gw lagi

- ada yang bilang dia sedikit *bau badan* eeewww….


Scary? A little bit. Annoying? God, yes. He could’ve just come up to me and said hi. End of drama. But he didn't. Tough.

Ternyata selama ini dia ngga nyadar kalo gw ngerasa terganggu dengan segala kelakuan minus dia di atas *dude, are you cracked in the head? * Tapi akhirnya dia setuju, minta maaf udah ganggu gw, janji dia ngga akan telp,sms,email gw lagi, seperti yang gw minta.


So tell me again, why do I still feel a jerk?


*naik taksi dari kantor ke rusun yang biasanya cuma sepuluh kali napas, malam ini menghabiskan waktu satu jam dan argo 35rebu perak* kentut…

Stocking Jala & Pak Polisi Ganteng

1. Sejak kapan stocking jala warna putih, sepatu sandal yang mamerin jempol kaki dicat merah muda dipadu ama blazer warna krem, jadi kostum kerja? *garuk-garuk kepala yg tak ketombean*

2. Emang ada radio yang namanya kayumanis?
Kayanya si emang ada, karena radio itu berhasil mendidik gw pagi ini, bahwa dari bulan Juni-Juli 2006 jumlah orang yang mengajukan gugatan cerai di pengadilan Bekasi ada 359 kasus, kebanyakan wanita dengan penyebab-penyebab sbb:

-ketidak harmonisan
-kurang tanggung jawab
-masalah ekonomi
-krisis akhlak (is this another term for ‘kawin lagi’, ‘selingkuh’ ato ‘punya bini muda’? Bwhehehe…seriously!)

Selain itu, selera musik gw jadi turun drastis karena setelah berita gugatan cerai gw disuguhin lagu ‘I’ll be There’-nya Mariah Carey yang dibikin versi Indonesia dengan beat reggae plus some rap. Try to beat that…

3. Oh yeah, atu lagi…Pak Polisi yang ngatur lalu lintas pagi ini lumayan ganteng, aku jadi tak keberatan tertahan sedikit macet karena PPG (Pak Polisi Ganteng) sedang menjalankan tugasnya *senyum senang*

What a way to start the morning…have a good one, folks…!

If Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus, Then I Must be From Mars

Now see…I used to wonder why I didn’t have many girlfriends growing up. Why my friends were always guys but just one or two girlfriends, best girl friends at that, not just somebody I picked up at a toy store because they looked and smelled nice.

Is it that I don’t understand all things girly? Or am I not feminine enough? Maybe girls don’t find me as galpal material? What?

In college I had too many guy friends I lost count. Sometimes I forgot I was a girl because I hung out with guys too much.

My first job, I befriended the cleaning service guy who was a decent employee, husband and father. But I would never have known that had I not spend hours talking to him because I did not want to have anything to do with the rest of the women who constantly bickered.

Second job, I played nice with the IT guy, guys from Accounting and they all treated me like a younger sister. We would talk about basketball, made bets during NBA play offs, complained about life in general, shared dirty pictures from the internet, go home. Start again next day. No fuss.

My current job requires me to interact with a lot of women, and I find many of them interesting. I have found women who are so fascinating that I hope I can become them one day. But then again, I have met women who are so determined to make other people’s lives so miserable, that I believe they come to work every day for that sole purpose only. And I must be the most naïve person on earth, because I tend to believe the best in people. All the time. I figure, if I’m nice to them, there’s no reason why they’re not nice to me, right? Holly fucking shit, how I’ve been mistaken.

Now I start to remember why I didn’t’ have a lot of girlfriends. It’s because I can’t stand the catfights, the gossips, the backstabbing, the pointing fingers, facts that are so twisted from the truth you forget the original story, the pressure of always having to look beautiful, the horror on their faces when I don’t feel like wearing make-up, high heels or doing my hair juuuuust exactly a certain way.

I’d rather hang around with my boys, smoking, debating over never-ending subjects, watch them play pool, having the kind of laugh that you can snort through your nose because they are just that funny and silly, lay back, throw dirty jokes, given the passenger seat without having to call shotgun, but most importantly I always know that I can be one of the guys when I feel like it, and be a girl when I want to, and they’d still take care of me like a bunch of soft big teddy bears. I love you guys…

And I don’t mind being able to count my girlfriends only with the amount of fingers on one hand, left or right, I don’t care…coz I know those are my true friends. The ones I can lose contact for awhile, meet up and still feel like we haven’t lost one day of friendship. The ones who know all my secrets, and the ones to whom I can let my guard down and let them see me at my weakest. Kudos to all my girls…you know who you are… To all the rest, well..shucks..maybe I am from Mars afterall. I guess I'll get to know you just like the men do, slowly and akwardly.

Backstabbed

Well fucketty fuck…from now on, I’m gonna keep my mouth shut. That bitch is having ME take all the blame for all the things SHE’s been saying. I want to take the wicked lazy ass of a woman down and slap her mouth and her forever greasy nose with my CPU and cause some serious physical pain. Coz apparently, it’s the only thing that will keep her from running her dirty mouth all over.

Lepas aja jilbab lo…ngga pantes lo pake jilbab, kalo mulut lo sekotor got…

Mixed Feelings + Too Much Cough Syrup = Delusional

Is it wrong to have feelings for one of your best guy pals? We’ve known each other for years, and it seems that nothing eludes us.

Me with New Boyfriend. Him with New Girlfriend. Me breaking up. Him breaking up. How I can kid around throwing punches and dirty jokes to the rest of the group but always maintain a level of courteousness with him. How I’ve seen his worst haircut, and he’s seen me all puffy eyed from crying. We’ve been together for so long, I think he’s one of few people who really knows me.

So, is it wrong? Yes? No? Maybe? Too awkward to discuss? Say what? Don’t even go there?

I definitely had too much cough syrup. I can’t think straight. Better lie down and get some sleep. Except of course, I’m at work.

Gah.