Quarter Life Crisis
Exactly twenty five years and six month old last night, and it scared the hell out of me.
Let’s see…gw udah kerja kurang lebih 4 tahun di 3 tempat yang berbeda, all of which, tidak sesuai dengan jurusan yang gw ambil waktu kuliah dulu. In fact, my job des is FAR from what I imagine I would be doing. Yang lebih mengutamakan tenaga daripada otak (ugh).
Hence, karena otak gw belum pernah dipaksa mikir (terlalu keras) semenjak sidang sarjana gw empat tahun lalu (geez…has it really been that long?), I find myself lost in my comfort zone.
Monday thru Friday is spent working, much of it in a haze. Come 7 PM and I go home, drained physically, emotionally.
Saturday and Sunday are to go out with my friends, often sleeping way too late on Sunday nights, therefore always dreading Monday mornings.
And I go on doing that for four years, and suddenly… GASP….
The moment of truth.
Where have I been? (Nowhere)
What have I accomplished? (Nothing)
Anjrot, it feels like I’ve been sleepwalking. Living but not really feeling. Breathing only for the automatic way my body takes in air and lets it out…in…out…repeat as necessary.
Coz I’ve been afraid. Gw takut kalau gw keluar dari lingkaran nyaman gw, gw ngga akan survive. Gw takut gw ngga bisa menyesuaikan diri dengan lingkungan di luar dunia gw. Gw takut salah. Gw takut mulai, untuk kemudian gagal. Gw takut jatuh. Gw takut hidup di dunia nyata. That’s why I’ve been dreaming, all these 25 years of my life, wrapped up in my own world.
Gw takut.
And now…I have to start. Somewhere. Anywhere. I’m scared like shit but I gotta try.
I got nothing on me, and I’m probably a few years too late, but I’m still here.
I’m gonna live my boring life, try to be thankful of my job (try to even like it…hehehe), try to be a decent human being, a better woman, a passionate lover (when the time comes)…and hopefully, by the end of it all…I’ll be ok. I may not come out filthy rich, or wildly successful, but by my own standards…maybe it won’t be so bad.
Here goes nothing…Bismillah….
Let’s see…gw udah kerja kurang lebih 4 tahun di 3 tempat yang berbeda, all of which, tidak sesuai dengan jurusan yang gw ambil waktu kuliah dulu. In fact, my job des is FAR from what I imagine I would be doing. Yang lebih mengutamakan tenaga daripada otak (ugh).
Hence, karena otak gw belum pernah dipaksa mikir (terlalu keras) semenjak sidang sarjana gw empat tahun lalu (geez…has it really been that long?), I find myself lost in my comfort zone.
Monday thru Friday is spent working, much of it in a haze. Come 7 PM and I go home, drained physically, emotionally.
Saturday and Sunday are to go out with my friends, often sleeping way too late on Sunday nights, therefore always dreading Monday mornings.
And I go on doing that for four years, and suddenly… GASP….
The moment of truth.
Where have I been? (Nowhere)
What have I accomplished? (Nothing)
Anjrot, it feels like I’ve been sleepwalking. Living but not really feeling. Breathing only for the automatic way my body takes in air and lets it out…in…out…repeat as necessary.
Coz I’ve been afraid. Gw takut kalau gw keluar dari lingkaran nyaman gw, gw ngga akan survive. Gw takut gw ngga bisa menyesuaikan diri dengan lingkungan di luar dunia gw. Gw takut salah. Gw takut mulai, untuk kemudian gagal. Gw takut jatuh. Gw takut hidup di dunia nyata. That’s why I’ve been dreaming, all these 25 years of my life, wrapped up in my own world.
Gw takut.
And now…I have to start. Somewhere. Anywhere. I’m scared like shit but I gotta try.
I got nothing on me, and I’m probably a few years too late, but I’m still here.
I’m gonna live my boring life, try to be thankful of my job (try to even like it…hehehe), try to be a decent human being, a better woman, a passionate lover (when the time comes)…and hopefully, by the end of it all…I’ll be ok. I may not come out filthy rich, or wildly successful, but by my own standards…maybe it won’t be so bad.
Here goes nothing…Bismillah….
posted by kudanil.cantik @ 3:21 PM
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