Set Up and Stood Up

Yesterday afternoon, the phone rang. It was a manager from another division. I was expecting her to ask me do something for Mr. Boss, when:

Manager: Kudanil, lagi sibuk ngga?
Me: Ngga terlalu Mbak, ada apa? (preparing for the tasks ahead)
Manager: Bagus de, kalo ngga sibuk. Aku mau tanya-tanya boleh kan?
Me: Boleh Mbak.
Manager: Kamu udah punya pacar belum?
Me: (Whaaaa???)
Me: Emm…belum Mbak

Then she went through more questions in less than 3 minutes:
Lahir tahun berapa?
Tanggal berapa?
Asalnya dari daerah mana?
Kotanya apa?
Agama?
Tinggal dimana?
Sama orang tua?
Kamu anak keberapa?
Punya adik atau kakak?
Tipe cowo kamu yang kaya gimana si?
Kalo kamu orangnya pendiam ato rame?

and so on....


Me: Mbak bikin check list ya?
Manager: Hihihi, kok kamu tau?

This manager, never one for small talks before, was able to dig in deep into bits of my life in a businesslike manner. I felt like I was interviewing for a husband. When asked what for, she only said ‘for a secret admirer’. So secret, it seems, that she didn’t let me know anything about him.

I’ve answered. These questions before. In many ways they were asked. Through the crackles of a phone, busy fingers typing away hints and clues of self description in Yahoo Messenger, each letter representing hope that someone in this universe will somehow finally understand you, through the too-curious-of-a-way his friend asks specific details about your hobbies or what kind of flowers you like; emails exchanged during work, the limitations of a text message that force you to explain yourself in 160 character or less for a mere price of 350 perak, whispers of last minute personal information before a movie starts, quiet conversations during dinner. And if you’re lucky, some answers will match and you move on to the next step. If not, take a long look at yourself, wonder what went wrong, and start again.

I’ve taken long looks at myself and still have no idea what went wrong.

And lately, it seems like, what used to be deep and meaningful way to explore someone you are interested in becomes somewhat technical equations. Please give sufficient answers to the following questions. Feelings may choose to be included, but most often not. If answers not according to what you are looking for, we’ll continue our own separate ways and wish each other a nice life. Short. But effective use of time.

After the questions were thoroughly asked and answers were carefully but truthfully given, arrangements were made. For lunch. Today. Another blind date? Why the hell not. What have I got to lose.

So come 12 o’clock and I got stood up. No news, no calls, no explanation. Not even from the manager/matchmaker. At the end I called up friends already halfway through their lunch to wait up for me.

Maybe I didn’t get my equations right.

Time to take another loooong look at myself. Uh-huh. See? I still don’t know what went wrong.

Nice.